pointless rambles

Friday, 14 August 2015

Life's Fool

I don't know what's so bad about being single? Seriously, what's so bad about it?

So many people are influenced by the idea that having a partner is the key to a happy life and being in a relationship is like a necessity, an ideal. But to me, it's hard work and commitment and right now, I have no energy for that. Especially when I haven't sorted myself out yet.

I know, human beings are societal creatures. We have habitual instincts to stay in packs and not alone. But being single does not mean you live alone in the Amazon. Being single just means you are free to do what you want without putting anything else above self-improvement. Being single does not make me unworthy or less desirable, it does not put me in a state where I pity myself. It just make me focus on me and what I would do in life.

Most girls I know need constant validation, they need someone to make them happy again, they need someone to make them feel protected. They need someone. Period.

I, on the other hand, hates being dependent. Being dependent locks me in a cage. I know, sometimes, I do need help, encouragement and company from others. But I enjoy doing things on my own, I enjoy having my 'touch' on my work. I am working towards being self-sufficient. I am working towards self-improvement. And most important of all, I have a dream. And to achieve that dream, I realise it's not going to be straight forward. There's not going to be a shortcut. I need to continuously push myself for another 15 years(minimum) before I get there. And whatever negative things people hurl at me during my process of reaching there will just fall upon deaf ears.

What I am trying to say is, being in a relationship is not a priority now. Sorry, but I am not going to go on some crazy Scavenger hunt like a female dog during mating season. I only live once and I would regret if I didn't work hard or put efforts towards my dream. I was dejected two years ago and had gone into a situation where 'I don't give a damn about everything anymore' because the sign boards were showing me to another direction. I was very very upset and I let my emotions get hold of me. I would say, right now I have accepted it. It's not going to be an easy job. But it's a route I need to take to get where I have always wanted to be. Sometimes you have to do something you hate to get something you like.

People like J.K.Rowling and Coco Chanel did not start out rich. No one had paved paths for them. Some people had it easy with luck and connections and shitload of money. But what's the meaning of something if you haven't work hard for it. When I could finally grasp my ambition, I want to be able to say, I sacrificed my happiness for this, I sacrificed my freedom and dignity. I sacrificed part of my life. And the outcome, no matter what it is, will be a fulfilling one.

I do not think like the typical girl. Getting married is cool but it is not a medal of achievement. Having a bf for pocket money is only what the lowest of the low would do and using your physique to gain societal status is just plain cheap. Materials can make you happy, but it will never be an everlasting happiness. I do not want my self esteem to suffer because I allow toxic people to impose their frivolous expectations on me. I do not want anyone to disturb the peace of mind I've cultivated to grow positive and engaging thoughts. If you're trying to judge me or is trying to influence me with your bad aura, then sorry, I would just do anything to put a wall between us.

For now, I am all about loving myself and nurturing my soul so that it is in balance with the forces of nature. I want to live a quiet and peaceful life and just work constantly and happily towards something I really want.

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